Music is important to me and has been for a long time.

When I was a child I sang songs all day long and hated to be interrupted. I would make up a song about anything.

When I was 8 years old my mother rented a violin for me. I quickly caught on and my elementary teacher set up a quintet, placing me in 2nd violin.

My mother was very proud of me and wanted to help me succeed. My teacher recommended taking private lessons to improve my technique. My mother signed me up right away.

Michelle became my private violin teacher

Though she wasn’t terrible, she wasn’t good with children. She was rude and harsh and direct, frequently telling me I killed the music. Her impatience caused me to stop and doubt myself. Eventually, I began to fear starting to play music at all. The violin was so beautiful and the last thing I wanted to do was kill the music.

Little did I know that taking what Michelle said personally was killing the music in my heart. I grew up always being 2nd best and stopped practicing.

Though I feared practicing,

as playing solo I could hear all of my mistakes, I still loved to play in groups and imagine that I sounded as good as them. I was talented enough to get by. I stayed in the school orchestra and went on to the youth ensemble and youth symphony. But in the days and weeks leading up to the audition for all of these anxiety grew and I would sweat profusely every time I practiced. My fingers would slip on the string and my bow would slip out of my hand. I wouldn’t let anyone listen to me unless it was a performance.

After High school, I stopped playing violin altogether.

I was no longer talented enough to play with the college orchestra or adult symphony and I hadn’t figured out how to get past the panic that set in during practice. I decided to try different instruments, but nothing else stuck.

Once I came home from California I needed a job.

My Associate Degree was in theatre but there are fewer career opportunities for theatre in the Midwest. Someone from my past asked me if I taught music. “That is a good question,” I said to them. “Sure, do you know anybody?”

They pointed me to my friend Diane who was looking for a violin teacher for her daughter, Ziva.

I was so excited to have music back in my life

that I forgot my bad feelings and made the arrangements. Going home, I started to panic. I argued with myself. What had I just done? I can’t teach anyone! I haven’t practiced violin in almost 5 years! But I know music. She is a beginner, I can handle this.

Suddenly calm came over me. She was a beginner, and I could teach her the techniques without taking away her love of music.

Little did I know she would help me find my way back to my own love of music.